Me,  Mental Health

My Brain Is An Evil Robot

This week has been total chaos. I have been working on a big project in the house and a post about that, as well as a post about my visit with my sister… HOWEVER I have also been struggling with my mental health because I haven’t been sleeping well. Sleep is the absolute corner stone of my mental health, it is something that I have to put a lot of energy and effort into. I do get tired in the evening, I am ready to curl up, snuggle down and sleep. Then the moment that my eyes are closed my brain turns into an evil robot. First I start thinking about all the things I want to do and say. Then the projects, the conversations, the blog posts. Up next I think about all the things I haven’t done, all the failures and lost chances. Following that I move on to all the things I should have done or how things could have gone. Finally I think about my family, the childhood issues, how things might have been different if only this or if only that. My brain spins and spins and SPINS.

Today I had a doctors appointment with my psychiatrist. We touch base every three months or so to look at my meds, my heath. I am lucky I have a good shrink who is open to talking about a holistic approach to my mental health, because meds alone are not enough. We talk about nutrition and activity and mindfulness compliment the medications. Today I needed to talk to him about my sleep because I have been really struggling.I mentioned in I’m Back, I have been weened off my night time meds but I am back to not sleeping. Unfortunately his best suggestion is that I go back on a really small dose.

If I am being honest my biggest issue with the medication is that it is an antipsychotic. The word makes me cringe. I am a hypocrite because if someone came to me and asked me what I thought of the situation I would tell them “take your meds because it will make you healthy. Don’t worry about what people think!” But I am really struggling to take my own advice.

I know I will get there. I know taking the meds is what is best for me, for now. I believe that my doctor genuinely has my best interest at heart, so I will do this, it isn’t a set back it’s just a change.
I am strong, I am a Ninja Princess

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *