Well January is doing it’s thing. Being dark, being cold, generally making life miserable. The impact on my mental health is significant.
The SAD is real.
Every January is the same. But this year is different for reasons. The whole world, it seems, is a pile of crap fires. It is hurting everyone. I am an empathetic human. Not an empath, just empathetic. I feel things deeply including the pain of others. Goodness knows in the last 12 months there has been plenty of pain to go around. Add to that stress at home and my anxiety and depression.
However that is just one front. If it were just my mental health I could deal. It would suck, but I would deal.
But this year I have something new and not fun… chronic pain.
I’ve had pain before. I’ve even had pain that lasts for day, weeks or months. But it’s sometimes pain. Pain when the weather is bad, pain when I super over exert myself. But it was never 24/7 pain. Now it is. I have good days, but those days are just LOW pain days. I genuinely can’t remember the last time I had a day free of pain. Since the summer at least.
Pain is a whole different animal! It is like a relentless dog chewing on a bone, and it happens that bone is in my hip.
Honestly the pain is just exhausting. Even days when I don’t have s Physio or Chiro or the doctor, just being awake and in pain makes me so tired. Then there are the sleepless nights. The meds. Not able to being to things I love to do. Even if I didn’t already suffer from anxiety and depression, the pain would drive me to it.
I am worried that I sound like “wah wah wah poor me”. That’s not what I want . But on the other hand it is. I need people to understand where am at. My deepest desire at the moment is to be understood.
I think that is pretty much the basic human condition.