I have a loner laptop and I feel SO much better. My name is Ninja Princess and I am a laptop addict. There I admitted it. I went 10 days without a post and it felt like a million years. I have gotten used to posting at LEAST once a week sometimes more. I feel like my laptop died right when I was getting into a vibe and a rhythm. I was afraid that if I couldn’t get back onto the bandwagon quickly that I would loose my momentum. I would be a failure before I even really started. Welcome to my inner demons.
It seems impossible but spring is finally here!! There is sunshine and light into the evening. Also sneezing. A lot of sneezing.
So much has happened in the last few weeks. I had a really wonderful trip to Ontario to visit my sister. I will cover that subject very soon. Today I want to talk about my mental health. I have been doing some work I am very proud of.
With the help of my shrink I have been able to wean myself off of my nighttime meds. This was a particularly potent pill whose chief function was to help me sleep. It worked but I was tired ALL the time. It was so sedating. On top of that it had metabolic symptoms that were VERY unpleasant. I won’t go into the details because I like ya’ll. Now I am off it 100% and feeling pretty good. I do have difficulty getting to sleep but I am working on mindfulness, sleep hygiene and sometimes when I am really struggling a bit of CBD oil. I take my antidepressant every single morning and chances are I will always need to take it. That’s okay. I do what I do to take care of myself and I do it without a drop of guilt or shame.
I have been talking A LOT about my feelings good and bad. I have been practicing taking my time to breathe and think before I respond when I am upset. My therapist says I am learning to take my amygdala out of the drivers seat. Let me tell you a story about that how that affects my daily life.
If you read my ABOUT ME bio then you know that I am really afraid of flying but I do love to travel. Usually when I travel I try and go to a doctor and get some kind of sedation however recently I have working on going without, especially for short trips. On my trip up to Ontario everything went just fine, no tears, no panic attacks. On the way home however things did not go so smoothly. Coming into NS we had some weather which was making landing difficult. I started to FREAK OUT! There was no one with me to help me calm down. The flight attendant wouldn’t make eye contact with me and I started to hyperventilate. Then something truly odd happened. A conversation happened in my brain. This cool logical voice started talking to the panic. It said that I was being irrational. It told me to look at the flight attendant whose face was placid if not down right bored. It reminded me that I know nothing about flying but that the pilot and co-pilot know a LOT. That dialog just continued until I noticed that my breath was coming easier, until my neck and shoulders unclenched. I had done something I had never accomplished before, I talked MYSELF out of a full blown panic attack!
I am going to go ahead a pat my own back here! This is SUCH a massive step in the right direction for me! I am so proud of myself. I am going to celebrate every victory because each and every one had been fought for!